Category Archives for Mindset

But I think we do a disservice to anyone who is learning about homeschooling to not tell the entire truth about homeschooling.

Because if you’re trying to decide about homeschooling …

If you’re trying to decide if homeschooling will be worth it -- what the benefits are ...

And you’re trying to figure out what the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling are -- you need someone to tell you both the good and the bad.

After 16 years homeschooling, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on what I think makes homeschooling easier than public school AND what makes it harder.

I’ve also spent a lot of time trying to decide why I kept going -- even when there were tears (theirs and mine!), even when I was exhausted, and even when I thought I was absolutely failing.

And the reality is that sometimes it was because I’m stubborn.

But most of the time, it was because I could see the long view -- my children were actually growing up to be wonderful people. They were learning and “becoming.”

And I wanted to be part of the journey. Even if that meant I had to keep doing the “hard.”

In today’s video, I’m covering four hard truths I’ve learned about homeschooling during the past 16 years.

Because no matter where you are in the journey -- starting out or quite a ways down the dusty path -- just being aware of what makes homeschooling “hard” can also make it easier!

Want to keep reading instead of watch? Scroll to read a transcript of the video.

I thought homeschooling was about books, and lessons, and knowledge. And it is.

But it’s even more about how two human beings -- a parent and a child -- are going to work together to accomplish a common goal.

And homeschooling can be tricky because you’re not just the teacher -- you’re also the mom. And that means you aren’t just teaching subjects, you’re also parenting and disciplining.

But how do you do that while you’re homeschooling? How do you decide when to parent and when to “teacher”?

How do you motivate your kid to learn (a HUGE part of homeschooling) without destroying your relationship (with yelling or bribing or begging)?

It’s all about following 3 principles:

1. Identifying Priorities

2. Setting Clear Expectations

3. Establishing Appropriate Discipline

Let’s dig in and talk about all three.

Want to keep reading instead of watch? Scroll to read a transcript of the video

I don't know where to start

 All right, so those are three principles. If you can learn how to do those three things, you will successfully be much closer to navigating this challenging dynamic between parent and child as you're homeschooling. Now, this sounds like a great idea, but you're like, I do not know where to start. I know that what you're saying sounds like it makes sense, but boy, I would love a lot more help.

I want you to check out a course I've created called The Motivation Formula. It's all about how to get your kids to want to learn without begging, yelling or bribing them, and I want you to go check it out because we go into what I've just talked about in so much depth.

We go in, we dive deep talking about this parent child relationship as it relates to homeschool. And people who go through this course, quickly are able to start to apply principles that radically change the dynamic in their home. And the bonus is their kids genuinely start to want to learn because they no longer feel forced. So if that sounds like it's something that would appeal to you.

Consistent homeschooling is tricky. To be consistent requires you show up as a homeschool mom day in and day out -- over and over again -- year after year. And it’s tiring and hard sometimes.

And whether you’re just getting started as a homeschool mom or you’ve been on the homeschool journey for a while, it’s easy to get caught up in thinking that everyone else is doing something better than you.

You look around on Pinterest or Facebook or at park day, and it seems like every other homeschool kid is thriving and doing amazing, exciting activities and doing all their chores every day (without being asked).

Meanwhile, you’re struggling to hold it all together -- the kids are having a “movie” day (again) -- the dishes are piling up in the sink (again) -- and you forgot to buy the one ingredient for the activity (again) so you’re scrapping the one fun thing you had planned for the entire week.

So what is the truth about homeschooling? What does it REALLY look like if you pull back the curtain and take a peek into a successful consistent homeschool?

Today I’m sharing 4 myths that homeschool moms often believe about homeschooling … and 4 truths about what’s actually happening inside a homeschool that works consistently.

Want to keep reading instead of watch? Scroll to read a transcript of the video.

Don’t forget to check out my Confident Homeschool Foundations Program.

Use the coupon code “Myths” to get over 50% off the regular price!

Hello, my name is ToriAnn Perkey and from my homeschool to your homeschool, today I want to talk about four common myths about being a consistent homeschool mom.

Consistency, is that something you struggle with? Do you feel like you just never can stick with things? Things are always changing in there and you're always kind of feeling in the throws of this and then this and then this.And you just think, if I could be a consistent homeschool mom, everything would be better. My kids would be learning, things would be humming along, we would just, it would all be going well. Okay. 

4 Myths about being a consistent homeschool mom

So today I'm going to talk about four myths that you might believe about being a consistent mom that of course are not true. That's why they're myths. And then I'm going to tell you four truths about consistent moms that you can hopefully apply in your homeschool.

If this is an area you're struggling, and I just want to recommend that you stick around until the very end because I also have a really special something that I want to tell you about that I think will help your consistency even more. Okay, so let's get started.

Myth #1 She always has it all together

What are four common myths that people who are not consistent, homeschool moms, that are not consistent think that consistent homeschool moms are doing? Well, the first myth is that there's this idea that a consistent homeschool mom always has it all together. They've got the meal planning, they've got the house cleaning, they've got the chores, they've got the homeschool. It's all just sort of happening.

No. Total myth. It doesn’t happen. The most consistent homeschool moms I know feel like they also have plates that are falling. I wish I could show you parts of my house. I consider myself a consistent homeschool mom. I have areas of my house that desperately need organizing and cleaning. We're talking boxes piled ready for me to go through. We're talking about junk in the corner. We're talking about rooms that really do look like storage closets.

There are nights when we don't eat dinner and my kids make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. There are times when I look around and I think that cobweb has been in the corner for six months. Homeschool moms don't have it all together. We're figuring it out all the time. It really is a sheen that it looks like we have it together, but we don't. Okay.

Myth #2 She does the same thing every day in the same order

Second myth, that you might believe about a consistent homeschool mom that isn't true is that we do the same thing every single day and we do it in the same order. No, no, not even. Not even close. Every day looks different. Yes, I do sort of have rhythms and we're going to talk about that in a minute and other patterns that I follow, but those get thrown out of the window depending on what time kids get up. Our kid's sick. Is there a field trip? Do we have another activity? Is dad home? All kinds of things change what we do, and then on top of that, is the kid having a bad day? Did we struggle with this piece of the plan? Did I think I had something and then I had to change the plan because I didn't buy that thing at the store happens all the time?

So consistent homeschool moms are not moms who consistently do the same thing every single day. Consistent homeschool moms, they're ones who embrace the variety and are willing to be flexible and come up with something else or be okay with it changing. That's what a consistent homeschool mom does is she shows up every day and embraces the variety. Okay.

Myth #3 She always finishes what she starts

Third myth, third myth that you might believe about a consistent homeschool mom is that she always finishes what she starts? No, no. You might believe that she picks a curriculum and then she works all the way through it. You might believe that she picks a curriculum and she uses it for several years. No, I can't tell you how many curriculums that sit on my shelf that I started and we didn't finish. The number of math programs we have been through and discarded. The number of books that we started didn't like and didn't finish.

Consistent homeschool moms, it's not about picking and forcing your way to the end. It's all about consistently evaluating and deciding if it's working. Now you want to give it long enough to see if it's working and overtime and experience you start to see what is actually a long enough time to know. But I'm constantly evaluating. I'm constantly shifting. I'm constantly tweaking and turning and trying to decide what is the best mix for our family. And that is why we're never, it means sometimes we finish things, but not always. Okay.

Myth #4 She always knows what she is doing

Fourth myth is that the consistent homeschool mom always knows what she's doing. This one just makes me laugh. I don't know what I'm doing. I only know what I'm doing to the extent that I seem like I know what I'm doing because I've been doing this for 16 plus years. There are so many things I am still figuring out. I'm still figuring out how to teach higher-level math. Do I kind of know how to do elementary math? Well maybe, although I have to wonder, would my higher-level math be better if I had done a better job with the lower level math?

I don't know. I'm still figuring out how to help my kids write in different kinds of ways. I'm still figuring out how to help my son clean the bathroom consistently every week. I am still figuring it out. So the only thing that a consistent homeschool mom does is show up. Recognizing that every day she will be learning a little bit more on how to be a little bit better, a little bit more, a little bit better, a little bit more, a little bit better. It's not about always knowing what you're doing, it's recognizing that you're always learning. Okay. So those are the four myths.

4 truths of a consistent homeschool mom

Let's talk about four truths to be a consistent homeschool mom. 

Truth #1 Trust the process

So one of the truths that make all consistent homeschool moms work and this is a pattern I see across a lot of different styles and families, is that consistent homeschool moms trust the process. They learn to trust that if they show up every day, something magical will somehow happen by the end. If they are learning and growing and trying to improve and asking questions and constantly striving, they actually will make some kind of progress. Even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.

Truth #2 Push through resistance

Second truth is that a consistent mom knows how to push through the initial hard. The part where a kid doesn't like something because it's just new and different and you're all getting used to something. They know how to push through that stage so that they can then get to the stage where they can genuinely evaluate whether something's working or not and some kids require a lot of energy to push through and others don't. It just depends on the kid.

Truth #3 Learn constantly

The third one, and I've already kind of alluded to this, is that a consistent homeschool mom is constantly learning. She is constantly learning. She's constantly researching, she's constantly asking questions, constantly evaluating.

Truth #4 Find your own rhythm

And then the fourth thing is that a consistent homeschool mom finds her own rhythm. She does not depend on someone else telling her exactly how to structure her day or her year. She sits down and she says, what is going to work for us based on our family situation, our family schedule a myriad of experiences and situations that only apply to your family.

You know, you have that unique mix and then you find a rhythm that works for you and you're not looking for a schedule. You're looking for a rhythm and a rhythm might be seasonal. A rhythm might be monthly based on how you handle different parts of your month. It might be based on when dad's home and when dad's not home, your rhythm is going to look different, but the rhythm is what keeps you consistent. It's what keeps you consistent over and over and over again through the days, the weeks, the months, and yes, the years. Okay.

So is this easy? No, it's not easy to be a consistent homeschool mom, but it is doable. It is doable, particularly when you can put the common myths aside and start to embrace the truth. Now there are some things you can do to make it easier and one of those is to help you develop rhythms by being aware of what's going on in your family.  Being aware of how to structure your day and onto the week, the month, the year in a way that really does help you find the rhythms and I have a course that might be perfect for you if you still would like some more help on that. This course goes through different ways to structure your day as well as a myriad of other things that would be really helpful for you if you're trying to figure this piece out.

So I'm putting a link, it's down below or it's up above. It's wherever you're watching this video. It's called the Confident Homeschool Foundations Program and I actually have a special offer for you. If you put in the word myths, “MYTHS”, into the checkout form, you will be able to get 50% off the retail price. And so you can go check that out. Want to help you out there, because if you're struggling to be consistent, there are some key things you can put in place beyond what we've talked about in this video. And I would love for you to learn those so that you can be successful.

Because I make these videos every week and I help homeschoolers all the time because that's what I want. I want you to feel successful. I want you to feel confident. And that's my goal and that's ultimately my goal for you. My name is ToriAnn Perkey, and I do. I make these videos every week to help you be a successful and confident homeschool mom.

And instead of gleefully going along with your plan, your kid will push back. They’ll be defiant. They’ll say “no.” 

OR they’ll be passive aggressive and just sit there -- staring at you with a look that says, “I DARE you to make me learn anything.”

How do I know this??

I’ve seen so many different kinds of homeschool bad attitudes in my house. Maybe I’m just “lucky,” but my sense from talking to other homeschool moms is this is something that we all have to figure out in order to keep homeschooling successfully.

So what do you do?

How do you work with an uncooperative child and actually motivate them so they WANT to learn?

How do you work with your kid when they’re being defiant?

How do you fight the homeschool battle and win?

That’s what I’m talking about today. It’s not easy … but it is possible.

And if you get a few key things in place, you’ll find that you have fewer battles and more peace in your homeschool.

Want to keep reading instead of watch? Scroll to read a transcript of the video

Hello. My name is ToriAnn Perkey and from my homeschool to your homeschool, today we're gonna talk about how to battle a bad attitude in your homeschool. Do you have a homeschool kid who you just feel like has a bad attitude, they're grumpy, they're frustrated, and you're like, dude, just fix your attitude. This is going to get better. Well, this video then is for you. We're going to talk about how you battle those bad attitudes and help shift the energy in your home so it can be more positive.

Every family struggles with bad attitudes 

And the first thing I want to say is you need to know, this is something every homeschool family struggles with because at some point, every kid's going to show up at some point with a bad attitude. And it happens all the time. It really, really does. And it can happen for all sorts of reasons and it can happen because you're having a bad day. It can happen because your kid's having a bad day, they're grumpy for some reason. It happens for all sorts of reasons. And so yeah, how do we battle this? How do we do this?

Well first, I just want to let you know I've seen it all, my kids, everything I'm about to tell you I have seen in my home. I've got four kids, I've been homeschooling for over 16 years. They are all teenagers. I have seen the bad attitude and what I'm about to tell you does actually make a difference. Okay? So first of all, let's talk about what bad attitudes look like. Because sometimes we just use these phrases and we don't get really clear on all the different ways a bad attitude might be showing up. Okay?

What does a bad attitude look like?

So you, a bad attitude can be a kid who's being sassy or rude. They're being disrespectful, they're talking back. That's a bad attitude. It can be a kid who is stonewalling you and just like giving you that stone cold face where they're refusing to do something and you say, I'd like you to do this. And they're just like, and they just stare at you. Like if I stare at you long enough, maybe you'll go away. That's “bad attitude”.

They might fall apart. So you ask them to do something and instead of working through it, their emotional regulation is so poor that they just, they throw a tantrum or they just start to cry and I'm not talking like tears of frustration and they're working through it. I'm talking about fall apart, can't handle it on the floor. It looks like a tantrum or maybe it just looks like a full on meltdown of other kinds.

It might also look like what I like to call “slothing,” where they just get super passive aggressive and they're doing it, but they're doing it really slow or they're doing it really sloppy. And it's this sort of like, "Well, you can make me do this, but you can't make me do it well", right. So these are all bad attitudes show up in life, lots of different ways and some are a little more subtle than others.So what do we do?

Recognize this is part of the human experience

Well, first we recognize that some of this is to be expected because our children are human and they are learning how to be mature adults. And bad attitude is something that takes time to work out of your system. I know adults who still have bad attitudes who still do all of the things I just listed, right?

So it's not like we just come onto this planet knowing how to handle hard situations, knowing how to interact with people. So sometimes battling the bad attitude has as much to do with me just recognizing that it is actually going to show up and not being frustrated that it's there.

It’s about agency and choice

Recognizing that it is part of my children's human experience and it is also going to show up because part of this human experience is about agency and choice. It's about letting our kids make choices because one of the reasons they're on this planet is to learn how to make choices. And if we don't give them the space to do that, they don't learn. And so human beings by nature want freedom.

They want choice. That is like, embedded in the DNA of a human being. And so your child is figuring out agency and choice. And one of the ways they do that is by pushing back against the things you ask them to do. Well, if they're pushing back, there are respectful ways to do that, but those often have to be taught well. They do.

Practicing their agency appropriately

They have to be taught. They have to be learned and practiced. Meanwhile, bad attitude shows up, and bad attitude can show up in a four year old. It can show up in a 16 year old and it will look different most of the time, but it's going to show up because it's them practicing their agency in inappropriate ways. We want them practicing their agency. We just want them learning how to do it in an appropriate way. So it's recognizing that this is actually something that's supposed to happen.

Some kids need more choice

Now, on top of that, it's also helpful to recognize that some kids just need more freedom and agency than others. They just, their little souls crave choice. And so if you have one of those kids, they're going to push back on everything. And often they'll do it in stronger and stronger and stronger ways. And you end up just doing this back and forth and back and forth as you're battling because this child's like, "I need to choose!" And you're saying, "I need you to do this." And so it becomes this battle, right? So recognizing that some kids need more agency and freedom can help you adjust your expectations of the bad attitude.

#1 Pick your battles

Okay. So with that, let's talk about a couple specific things that you can do to help make these battles less of a battle and more of a journey that you're taking together. The first one is to pick your battles, get really clear on what's important. Not everything is important. And if you pick all your battles, you won't win any of them. So decide what hill you're going to plant on. Decide which things are the most important and let other things go.

And depending on the kid you have, you may let a lot of things go that you normally would not let go. But you recognize that these things are the ones you're going to plant your flag on. That is the first thing. You gotta pick your battles and I have been amazed over the years at how many things I thought I had to hold on to that I really didn't. That didn't matter nearly as much as I thought they mattered and as I chose to let those things go, everything actually got better and not just because I was a pushover, but I was actually not fighting about everything. Okay.

#2 Set clear expectations

The second thing is to set clear expectations. A lot of battles can actually happen because we think a kid should just know what we want them to do. And then they're frustrated because they thought they were going to get to do something different or they thought a different level of doing it was going to be okay. And so that battle happens because the expectations aren't the same.

I've talked about this in other videos and I'm going to talk about it more because it is so key to just all human interaction, but anytime you have conflict, anytime you have this going on, it's because your expectation does not match your child's expectation and any time expectation doesn't meet reality, there's going to be conflict. There's going to be unhappiness. There's going to be something negative.

So with the clearer you can get on expectations, the better off you are and then you need to have ways to follow through when they don't meet those expectations which you have shared in advance is kind of bigger than I want to go into in this whole video, but this expectations thing is sharing. Super important.

#3 Don’t feed the monster

The third thing, and I just want to share today, is don't feed the monster. When your child starts to give you bad attitude and they start to push and they start to give you a hard time, it is going to trigger you. I don't care how calm you are, it's going to bug you because your agency, your human soul is not going to like it for all sorts of reasons.

And we're not going to go into all of those in this video, but you're not gonna like it and you're going to want to push back. And as you push back and they start to push back, it is going to bring up parts of you that maybe you don't like a whole lot that you don't like when they show up. Don't feed that monster. It is inside every single one of us.

Take a timeout, walk away, take a deep breath. There is almost nothing that your child is doing that requires immediate response. Almost everything can wait a little while till you've gotten to a place where you can respond and without the monster doing the talking. If you can do that, you will deescalate situations. It will not turn into this huge battle, but instead it will be something where you can actually be having rational conversations.

It’s really about motivation

That's some of the ways to navigate this bad attitude that shows up, particularly when you're trying to get your kids to do stuff in your homeschool and they don't want to do it. The reality is when we're trying to get our kids to do stuff, it's because we're trying to motivate them. We're trying to tell them, you need to do this and this and this because we want them to get things done.

We want them to be motivated and in an ideal world, they'd be motivated to do those things without all of these battles, right? So if that is something that resonates with you, if you're wrestling with how do I set clear expectations? If you're wrestling with how do I motivate my kids, I want you to check out a course I've put together, it's called The Motivation Formula. There's a link up above, down below, you know, wherever you're watching this video.

And the reason is, I've gone through and I've talked in detail and really help you figure out how to manage the agency of your child while still setting expectations and asking them to do things I've talked about. How do you know what to do with a kid who really holds onto their agency? I've talked about how do you set those clear expectations so that after you get all these pieces in place, your kids will want to learn.

They'll be motivated to learn on their own without begging, without bribing, without yelling. All those things that you're doing that possibly are creating these battles that you're trying to avoid and creating the bad attitude even though you're not trying to. Sometimes the bad attitude comes from how we show up and not just how our kids are. So if that's something that sounds interesting, be sure to check it out.

It's like I said, the links up above, down below. It's called The Motivation Formula and it's a course I've put together to help you with some of these things because the reality is bad attitude shows up in every homeschool. But successful and confident homeschools, the ones where the moms are able to consistently keep going, are the ones who figure this out without it turning into world war three. And hopefully some of the things I've given you today have been helpful. If so, please know that I make these videos every week, every week, so that you can be a successful and confident homeschool mom.

The phone is ringing. 

The entire neighborhood is at your house. 

You’re trying to teach while also serve another family in need -- or just maintain your sanity.

Hard homeschool days come to every homeschool family. Days where you just want to throw in the towel and quit homeschooling!

Not every day, of course. Some days are wonderful and blissful and magical. Days where your kids and you are having a blast -- learning and growing together.

I’ve had many people tell me -- and I’ve found it true myself -- that you get one of those lovely days about 1 in 10. And believe me, these are the days that keep me going!

On top of that, many days can be “pretty good.” My kids are fairly compliant, stuff gets done, and nobody had a meltdown. We’ve gotten to the point (after 15 years) where we get a lot of “pretty good” days. (Want to know how we’ve done it? Check out my webinar “Confident Homeschool Secrets”)

But for the days that are trending toward disaster, what can you do?

How can you make homeschooling easier when you can sense where everything is headed?

Today I’m discussing 5 things you can do and say in the middle of a hard homeschool day. No - things won’t magically become “magical,” but you can reverse the trajectory and get your family headed back in the right direction.

Want to keep reading instead of watch? Scroll to read a transcript of the video.

What to say in the middle of a hard homeschool day

Hello ToriAnn Perkey here, from my homeschool to your homeschool, today I want to talk about what you can say to yourself in the middle of a really hard homeschool day. I don't know about you, but there are days where everything just feels like it's crashing in. The kids aren't listening. I'm having a bad day. The phone's ringing off the hook. Kids are coming to, the additional kids are coming to the door you know.  I'm hearing about stuff that's not working and everybody's grumpy and fighting and some days are just hard.

And if you're going to successfully homeschool, learning how to get through the hard days to the good days is definitely worth the effort, but you got to figure out how to get through the good days. Now, I've made another video on how to actually have a good day, and so if you haven't seen that video, be sure to check down below. I'm going to put a link to that video as well, but today I want to talk about what to say to yourself in the middle of a hard homeschool day.

5 things you can say to yourself

Actually have five different things, five different types of things you can say to yourself to just get you through the day. Put yourself in bed so you can get up the next day.

1. Say "This is simple, this is easy, this is fun"

Okay. So the first one, the first thing that you can say to yourself is, this is simple. This is easy. This is fun. Now this is all about training your brain to look at whatever is currently happening in a different light. Don't get me wrong, there are days where it doesn't feel simple, easy, or fun. But if I say it to myself enough, sometimes my brain shifts and I wait. Okay, okay, I can figure this out. So this is almost like a, like a Jedi mind trick that you're going to play with your brain to help you figure out how to do this. And so this is simple. This is easy. This is fun. Something to just perk yourself up in the middle of the day.

2. Give yourself a timeout

Okay. Number two, what's the second thing you can say to yourself? I need a timeout. Sometimes it is okay for you as the mom to pull yourself out of the situation. Go to your closet and just take a deep breath. I have spent many a homeschool day with part of the day in my closet. Now of course, you don't abandon your children. You either put them in front of something that they can watch or you put the older one in front of the younger ones. Whatever you can do.

Maybe you even just put everybody in a crib or a bed and you say, we're taking a time out and you go put yourself in a timeout. You take the time to figure out how you can reset and recharge. Sometimes when the days are really hard, that's what you need to do. You need to take just a minute to pull yourself out of the situation, get some perspective, let the emotions fall, you know, let the emotions kind of drain out of you just a little bit so you can come back into it with a fresh pair of eyes and possibly a slightly happier heart.

3. Ask what does my child need right now

Okay, so the third thing, what's the third thing you can say? What do we really need right now? What does my child need right now and not what do they in the moment like they need, they maybe need to get their math done. No, I'm talking about what do they really need? Do they need a hug? Do they need some food? Do they need a nap? I don't know what your kid needs.

But often when things are really falling apart, it's because the needs aren't being met. So stepping back and saying, what do they really need? And maybe adjusting your plan for the day because you recognize that what your kid really needs is to sit on the couch and snuggle with you and feel better about themselves. Or maybe they need a conversation or maybe they just need a walk around the block. Whatever it is, will help you have, just help you reset. So that's the third thing.

4. Take the long view

Fourth, remember that you're on a journey. Take the long view. Sometimes we're having a really hard day because we're so worried and afraid that we're not getting everything done and we forget that it's really easy to underestimate how much you can accomplish in 10 years. And over estimate how much you can accomplish in a day. Less is more with homeschooling, so you might not get a whole lot done on a single day, but if you're showing up every day over the course of your child's education, you're going to accomplish a lot. So the next thing you can say to yourself is, I'm taking the long view. I'm looking down the road, I'm just gonna do one little piece today. We don't have to do it all today.

5. This too shall pass

Finally, and this is what I say to myself when things really just hit the fan and everything else, there just doesn't seem to be any other answer. This too shall pass. Sometimes we don't change things. Sometimes we gracefully make it through things and sometimes we don't make it through gracefully. We just make it through, right? This too shall pass. When I remember that nothing is permanent, nothing lasts forever and I always have tomorrow. It helps me get through the end of a really hard homeschool day.

Now if you are new to homeschooling or you are struggling, be sure to check out my free homeschool help center. It's down below full of different activities. Resources, helps to help you have a good homeschool, things like this, as well as other things in there. Specifically, there are additional declarations, phrases that you can say to yourself to help you pump yourself up so you can have a good homeschool day. Be sure to check it out. That's down below. My name is ToriAnn Perkey, and I make these videos every week so that you can be a successful and confident homeschool mom.

For me, a really good homeschool day means you:

• Have a routine and rhythm that’s working for you and your kids
• Lean into the homeschool schedule you’ve put together
• Enjoy the time you spend with your kids
• Manage bad attitudes from one or more of your kids
• Recover quickly when you start to have a bad homeschool day

It also means that my kids are engaged in meaningful, productive, learning activities. (Over the years, that often meant cool games instead of just workbooks. You can check out my reviews to see some of my favorites.)

So how do you do it? How do you have a day where you settle into bed at the end of the day and think “Today I was a good homeschool mom!”?

I have a few tricks that I’ve developed over the years. And that’s what I’m talking about today.

It doesn’t have anything to do with homeschool field trips or activities.

It doesn’t have anything to do with your kids or your schoolroom or how organized you are.

Instead, it has EVERYTHING to do with what YOU are doing when you look around.

Are you comparing to others … and then beating yourself up for how your homeschool is failing?

Do you see the perfect pictures of happy kids doing their schoolwork and then remember how your kids fought you to even pick up a pencil?

Do you read about major art projects with multi-day hands-on help and wish you had done more than just put on a Netflix documentary?

Mama - you can’t DO that to yourself!

Homeschooling is about you and your family -- NOT what everyone else is doing

And the fastest way to homeschool burnout or to feel like you want to quit homeschooling is to compare your worst to another mom’s best!

So today I’m talking about HOW to stop comparing … and instead how to start enjoying your homeschool.

In the video, I explain the importance of having a homeschool vision. If you need help, be sure to check out my FREE lesson on creating your homeschool vision.

Hello.

My name is ToriAnn Perkey and from my homeschool to your homeschool. Today I want to talk about one way to help you have a successful homeschool. 

How to Stop Comparing in Your Homeschool

I want to talk about not comparing. I want to talk about this thing that we do. Every homeschool mom does it, and when comparing happens, we feel fear. We feel concern, worry, even overwhelm. It is not doing your homeschool any good. So we are gonna talk about why you need to stop.

Social Media

You see, it is so easy to compare in the homeschool world. You can look around on Facebook, on Instagram, on Pinterest, and you see all the things that other homeschool moms are doing. You see the activities they're doing. You see the books that they're reading. You see the beautiful, wonderful, exciting, homeschool moments because those are the ones that we take pictures of and we post.

Their Best to Your Worst

We don't post things that aren't working. We mostly post the things that do. That's why we celebrate. On top of that, you're going to park days, you're going to your homeschool co-op, you're going to your homeschool whatever. You're interacting with other homeschool moms and they're talking about what their kids are doing. They're talking about the 14 year old kid who is graduating from high school and is starting to work on their associates degree. They're talking about their four year old that just started to read Shakespeare or Harry Potter or whatever, and it is so easy to compare their best to your worst.

You're thinking, Oh my goodness, your kid is graduating from high school and my teenager, I can't even get them out of bed and I'm covered in Cheerios because I've got a baby on my hip and we're trying to teach this kid to read that’s struggling to read. And you know, all we did today that was noteworthy at all is maybe my kid drew some stick figures.

I’m FAILING

That's how it happens, right? You're hearing these cool things and that's what's going through your head. I'm failing, I'm failing and failing because we're having this experience and everyone else is having this experience and that comparison, that back and forth that is what's killing your homeschool. And it's not what you have to do. You don't have to sit there and do this comparison because the reason you chose to homeschool is because you wanted to create a homeschool for your kids.

The Whole Story

You're not homeschooling all those other kids. You're homeschooling your kid and you don't know the whole story. You know your whole story. You know the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the warts that show up all the time. But you don't know the story. You don't know if that 14 year old who's graduating and is going on is dying inside because they're struggling with anxiety or depression or they feel like they have this perfectionist need to excel.

You don't know that. You don't know that that four year old who maybe is just on a rockstar trajectory with their reading is struggling to just learn how to count. Or struggling, how to, you know, write or struggling with anger and they're constantly getting in trouble. You know, the mom's not talking about those things. She's just talking about what her kids are doing well. One, because she doesn't want to air her dirty laundry. And also because we do want to celebrate our successes and not just all of the things that are going badly.

And so you just don't know the whole story. And the reality is it doesn't matter. We can celebrate successes, but in the end you are in charge of your homeschool. You are in charge of your kids, which means that you are going to create an experience for them.

Have a VISION

And the number one way you avoid comparing and turn that off in, in a way that is helpful is you make sure that you've got a vision for your homeschool that you reference regularly and that everything else that you're creating is structured around that vision. And I talk about this a lot because it is so important.

If you have not yet written a vision for your homeschool, I have a free lesson you can, access it immediately and it walks you through. It's, it doesn't take very long and it walks you through how to create a vision for your homeschool that works for you and your kids. And I'm going to put a link down below, up, above wherever you're watching this video. So that you can go in and create a vision and then you're going to have a homeschool that works for you. It's going to take you on your homeschools journey to the destination you want for your unique child. Stop the comparing and create a space where your kids can thrive without worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Caveat

Now I'm going to put in a caveat. It is helpful to know what else other people are doing because sometimes you can recognize that there's something going wrong that you need to fix. Or you'll learn about a new resource or a new way of doing something that can be super helpful or it can also just be great to know, yeah, you know what? We're all in this together. So it's not that you want to shut yourself out and not be listening to what anybody else is doing. You're just looking at it from a fact finding and celebrating standpoint rather than a look, we're failing, standpoint.

And your vision is how you start that and it's recognizing that you are creating a homeschool for your kids and your family and not anybody else's. And if you can do that, the success in your homeschool will go way, way up. I'm ToriAnn Perkey, and I make these videos every week so that you can be a successful and confident homeschool mom.

It’s when you come back after the holidays and realize you have another four or five months before summer.And you might be feeling a little bit of homeschool burnout. OR you might be super excited to dive back in.

Regardless, it’s the PERFECT time to sit down and do a review (and possibly a reset) of your homeschool.

During your homeschool mid-year review, you may consider radically changing your curriculum or your schedule. Or you may just need to make a few updates to get things working even better.

In today’s video, I’m going to cover WHY you want to do a mid-year review and what kind of changes you might consider making.

[NOTE: In the video, I talk about reviewing your homeschool vision. CLICK HERE to access your FREE lesson on how to create a homeschool vision]

Want to keep reading instead of watch? Scroll to read a transcript of the video.

Things have changed

So here's the deal. No matter how well you planned at the beginning of the year, no matter how much work and effort you put into it, your kids have changed. Your life has changed. Things are different than they were in September or August or whenever you started. And so there's a good chance that you need to change things up because we're always experimenting in homeschooling. We're always figuring out what's gonna work and so it's, you know, it's time to do this.

3, 4 month chunks

I like to actually think of my year, my homeschool year, in three, four month chunks. I know that's not how everybody thinks of the school year, but I like to think of the months before December, like from September until the end of December and then another chunk that happens from January to about April and then our third chunk is the summer, which is may through August. That's kind of how I like to think about it and what's nice about that is a four month chunk is enough that you kind of know if something's working but isn't so long that you don't have time to switch things up and try something new.

Give yourself a break

Now, before you get into doing all of the things I'm going to talk about in this video, please keep in mind we are just ending the holidays. That means that you probably just did Thanksgiving, you did Christmas and those are crazy times for homeschooling. There's breaks, there's travel, there's vacation, and it's really easy to look at those, that little chunk of time and think that you're completely failing your homeschool because you didn't do anything because maybe you were so busy traveling or it's just you lost steam or things weren't working. So remember that you have to look beyond the holidays and look farther back to kind of get a sense of whether things were working before the holiday started. And then you'll know how you want to move forward.

Step One: Vision

Now the very first thing I recommend you do to do your midyear review is go review your homeschool vision. I talk about this all the time. You have to have a vision. You have to know where you're going with your homeschool and what you need to do in order to move forward. And if you don't have that vision it is really hard to know whether or not you're moving forward in the right way. So if you've already created your vision, awesome, go take a look at it. If you haven't, I want to help you out. I actually have a free lesson that you can listen to that will walk you through step by step how to create a homeschool vision. There's a link going to be below this video or up above or wherever you're watching it so that you can go watch, listen to that lesson and walk your walk. It'll walk you through the steps that you need to do to create a homeschool vision because it's really hard to do anything if you don't have that in place.

Step Two: Questions

Now, once you have in fact reviewed your homeschool vision, I now recommend that you ask yourself a few questions as part of this midyear review.

#1 What is working

Now the first question is what is actually working? We want to start with the positive. Look at your curriculum, look at your schedule, look at what you've actually accomplished and recognize and celebrate the successes and whatever's working. You want to capitalize on that and you want to keep going.

#2 What do you look forward to

The second question you want to ask yourself is what parts of your homeschool do you actually look forward to? And this could be anything from you know, snuggling on the couch reading or going on field trips during non-busy times. It might be when you guys get to sit down and play games or it might even be that you guys have gotten super excited about a certain subject and you just want to go deeper into that subject. Homeschooling is all about the adventure, right, so you're going to look at what are you actually enjoying because if you're having fun and your kids are having fun, you are more likely to be leaning into and looking forward to homeschooling every single day. You want to do more of the things that you look forward to and less of the things that you don't.

#3 What isn’t working

Now we're going to go into the next question. The third question I want you to ask is what isn't working and why. Not just "Oh, the math curriculum we picked it is not working", but really dig into why isn't it working? Is it not working because you have the wrong schedule? Is it not working because you're doing it at the wrong time or is it not working because it is just not the right fit for your kid? If it isn't, that's okay. You can either resell it or you can shelve it and maybe come back to it later and move on to something else or change directions. I know that that's what we're doing with a particular math curriculum with one of my kids. We are completely changing and trying something completely new because as I've done my midyear review, I'm realizing what we were trying is not working. Other things are really working so, but the reason I was able to make the switch is because I didn't just say what's not working, but I figured out why so I knew what I was looking for in the new change.

#4 What do you dread

The next question, what are you dreading? What do you dread about homeschool and why? Is it that you dread sitting on, you know, everybody says that you're supposed to sit on the couch and read with your kids, but you dread it. But because you have a two year old that's running around, pulling on the book and wreaking havoc while you're trying to read, okay, it might be time to either address that child's needs or maybe try to do it in a different way, or maybe just do something different altogether. If you look at the why of what you're dreading, you'll come up with you'll be able to have a foundation to then make different decisions and move forward.

Step 3: Adjustments

Now, after you've asked yourself those questions, the third thing you want to do is figure out, okay, what are you going to keep as is? What do you need to adjust, keep and adjust. What do you just want to toss? What are you completely done with? And you'd say, you know what? That didn't work. No guilt, no shame. It happens to the best of us. It happens to all of us. You move forward. You're always tweaking and adjusting.

Now there's a couple of just quick things to keep in mind that I recommend as you're doing this. First of all, we almost always have too much crammed into our homeschool schedule. Simple is better. So as you are doing this review, be sure to be looking to take things out because almost always that is the answer rather than trying to put things in.

The second thing I just want you to keep in mind is that there's a good chance that things are working more than you realize. It is so easy to see all the things that aren't working. It's a lot easier to miss the things that are working and sometimes the changes are imperceptible, very, very slowly incremental. I remember when we were teaching my son to read, it felt like it wasn't working and it wasn't working and it wasn't working. And it took forever to get to the point where he was finally reading and it was because the, and it wasn't because we weren't doing the right things. It was because it just needed time and it needed incremental steps by step and we were only going to get there if we just kept going.

So keep in mind that more is actually happening than you may realize. Now, those are my three major steps. First, review your homeschool vision, and if you haven't got a homeschool vision, go check out that lesson so you can write one second, ask yourself the questions that I went through. And the third is figure out what you're going to keep, what you're going to adjust and what you're going to toss.

Now, if you're looking for a major reset and I'm talking like you know nothing's working and you want to go back to the drawing board and you're just feeling overwhelmed and maybe even like you want to quit, then please, please, please check out my free webinar. It's called confident homeschool secrets, and I go through many of the secrets that longtime homeschoolers know that really, really, really can help you be successful as a homeschool family, as a homeschool mom, as a homeschool dad, it's completely free and there is a link to sign up to watch that as well.

I am excited for you. We are headed into the second half of the year. This is when you really dig in and you get, you can make your homeschool happen and it's time to just adjust a few things so you can finish out the year super successfully. My name's ToriAnn Perkey and from my homeschool to your homeschool, happy homeschooling. I make these videos every week so that you can be a successful and confident homeschool mom.